Dork Report
There are places in the world where I am truly, blissfully anxiety-less and happy. A few of these rare and treasured places are:
(1) Bonaventure Cemetery (hello, Colonel and Dr. Nunn!)
(2) Any cheese shop in Germany (hello, Joe and cholesterol!)
(3) The public library, when not accosted by homeless man reeking of cabbage.
Today's story takes us to place #3. Where I feel safe. Happy. Carefree. The open path to enlightenment and FREE entertainment lie waiting.
I went to the library today to pick up a few things to get me through Thanksgiving at the Mom's. No, they do not sell wine at the library. Will buy that on Monday, to prevent any pre-holiday celebrating.
Anyway, back to the library (or as Southerners are wont to say, the Libary). Let me first set the scene by saying that today I am wearing several things that I myself have handmade, namely: a floor-length wool skirt, a fabric brooch, beaded earrings, and a handknitted wrap. Now I have gotten multiple compliments on this outfit today (very good), and the ladies working at the circulation desk at the library stopped to ask me if I had made the skirt. I said yes, and twirled for them. Then the other lady said that she figured I knitted the wrap, and had I gotten the pattern out of the library's knitting books, since I check them out so often?
Suddenly I realize that I am not invisible. I am a person that other people remember, particularly the ladies at the library, since I am there an average of 5 to 6 times a month, usually with so many books and videos that I must bring MULTIPLE bags to carry everything. And now I am horrified. Because if they remembered that I check out knitting books every time I come in here, what else do they remember?
Oh the horror.
Because what else have I checked out recently?
*Correcting Problem Skin for Dummies (which I am obviously not reading, seeing as I still retain possession of said Problem Skin)
*Pilates videos (which I am obviously not using, seeing as I am not sleek and lean as promised by video description)
*Videos of Stalin, Hitler, Genghis Khan, and Napoleon (am I suddenly obsessed with short dictators?)
*Every Agatha Christie video, DVD, and book ever written (love me some Poirot!)
And probably the most embarrassing, as it involves visuals best left un-visualized:
*BELLYDANCING VIDEOS.
Now let me make sure you understand. These are EXERCISE videos, y'all. Participatory, voluntary bellydancing. Which takes place in the privacy of my own home. With blinds closed.
And now the ladies at the library know. They KNOW. And they remember. And they probably giggle.
(1) Bonaventure Cemetery (hello, Colonel and Dr. Nunn!)
(2) Any cheese shop in Germany (hello, Joe and cholesterol!)
(3) The public library, when not accosted by homeless man reeking of cabbage.
Today's story takes us to place #3. Where I feel safe. Happy. Carefree. The open path to enlightenment and FREE entertainment lie waiting.
I went to the library today to pick up a few things to get me through Thanksgiving at the Mom's. No, they do not sell wine at the library. Will buy that on Monday, to prevent any pre-holiday celebrating.
Anyway, back to the library (or as Southerners are wont to say, the Libary). Let me first set the scene by saying that today I am wearing several things that I myself have handmade, namely: a floor-length wool skirt, a fabric brooch, beaded earrings, and a handknitted wrap. Now I have gotten multiple compliments on this outfit today (very good), and the ladies working at the circulation desk at the library stopped to ask me if I had made the skirt. I said yes, and twirled for them. Then the other lady said that she figured I knitted the wrap, and had I gotten the pattern out of the library's knitting books, since I check them out so often?
Suddenly I realize that I am not invisible. I am a person that other people remember, particularly the ladies at the library, since I am there an average of 5 to 6 times a month, usually with so many books and videos that I must bring MULTIPLE bags to carry everything. And now I am horrified. Because if they remembered that I check out knitting books every time I come in here, what else do they remember?
Oh the horror.
Because what else have I checked out recently?
*Correcting Problem Skin for Dummies (which I am obviously not reading, seeing as I still retain possession of said Problem Skin)
*Pilates videos (which I am obviously not using, seeing as I am not sleek and lean as promised by video description)
*Videos of Stalin, Hitler, Genghis Khan, and Napoleon (am I suddenly obsessed with short dictators?)
*Every Agatha Christie video, DVD, and book ever written (love me some Poirot!)
And probably the most embarrassing, as it involves visuals best left un-visualized:
*BELLYDANCING VIDEOS.
Now let me make sure you understand. These are EXERCISE videos, y'all. Participatory, voluntary bellydancing. Which takes place in the privacy of my own home. With blinds closed.
And now the ladies at the library know. They KNOW. And they remember. And they probably giggle.
posted by Kelli | 2:13 PM
1 Comments:
Two comforting thoughts from someone who spent a year working in a library:
1) I can PROMISE you there are other patrons with far more bizarre borrowing habits. One one needs only to peruse the catalog or the shelves to see the myriad options for the really sick mind. Notice that those materials are not pristine. No, deary, they've been read and viewed. Oh and let's not even talk about the public-access computers (could've left the L out of that word to be more correct, methinks). I'm sure SOMEONE has even checked out that trainspotting video more than once. Besides, what you're checking out of the library ain't nothing compared to the bizarre assortment on your shelves. They don't know anything about that!
2) Besides, they're sworn to secrecy. A patron's library records are almost as sacred as lawyer/client communications. Nobody (well except those freaks in D.C. suspecting you of terrorism) will be looking at your records and the librarians are prohibited by their code of ethics from revealing this information. In other words, they may be giggling amonst themselves, but they won't be passing around your borrowing record.
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